As a craft beer fan, what do you do when someone offers you a crap beer from the confines of a friendly situation? Well, there are two roads you can go down. One, you can pass on the offer and sit there like an elitist jackass drinking a soda while everyone else tosses back some suds. Even worse, you may be forced to explain yourself without the counterweight of a quality beer, making you look like an even bigger douchebag. Or two, you can just save yourself the hassle and choke down the damn beer. Today I choke down Stella Artois from trash beer kingpin Anheuser-Busch.
Beers like Stella Artois really piss me off because they mask themselves as quality brews. Sure, Stella is a step up from Budweiser, but this is on a 10,000 step staircase where even the most forgettable of craft brews don't appear until the 1,000th step. So it really irritates me when someone busts open a beer from the same massive international brewing company and treats it like a craft beer. It's not. Read the label. If you see ''Anheuser-Busch'' on the bottle, you're still standing on the first 50 piss water steps with Coors and Miller products.
At this point I could start ranting about Anheuser-Busch's complete and total failure to produce a decent product, but it's easier to reference my previous review of Budweiser:http://www.brewchief.com/review.cfm?id=176
That being said, here's my review of Stella Artois: it's better than Budweiser. That's about the only good thing I can say about it. While Stella doesn't warrant the same rock bottom rating that beers like Budweiser, Coors and Miller do, it's still a terrible beer. It smells like tinny tap water. It has that typical urine-like straw coloration, only slightly darker than your average piss water. The taste is bland and forgettable, but thankfully not too metallic. There is absolutely no hop profile whatsoever. The mouthfeel is thin, weak and watery. The finish is lifeless and exits with a rusty aftertaste.
Overall, I'll give Stella Artois one point above total failure. If you find yourself in a bar or hanging with friends and your choice is between Budweiser or Stella, go with Stella. Better yet, spare your taste buds and just assume the role of designated driver for the evening. Of course, this brings up a more important issue. Friends don't let friends drink Anheuser-Busch products. Hit the beer store or relocate to a better pub.