There is an old saying that goes something like ''If you don't have anything nice to say, then say nothing at all''. It's a good bit of advise, and I actually try to implement it as often as I can in my everyday life. It can keep things very drama free, as well as make others happy in the process, either through silence or compliment. That being said, I really like the bottle design of today's beer review. So now that I have said something nice, I guess I get the chance to honestly review Long Hammer IPA from Redhook Brewery for better or for worse, right?

When I say I like the bottle design of Long Hammer IPA, I am being as honest as possible. Truth be told, the design is what first caught my eye. It isn't a ''stubby'', nor is it a full ''long neck''. It is slender, yet short. Intriguing at the least. And here's a little secret that also factored in. As a home brewer, you always want to keep some of your empty purchases for bottling your future personal homebrewed batches. It's no big deal what the bottle actually is, but I like to place my personal creations in bottles with a bit of character just for entertainment purposes. Bottles from breweries such as Founders, and the Full Sail ''Session'' series usually house my brew nectar, so that should give you some idea of why this one was so appealing.

From the time it was opened, the problems begin. Pouring it in the glass, I encountered a moment that I have never experienced before. As it hit the glass, I could have sworn I was pouring a pilsner. I literally did a double take to the bottle to make sure I hadn't picked up one by mistake. The color was more of a golden straw rather than an orange hued coloration that one would expect from an IPA. A fluffy white head sat on top of it, and had some fair retention and lacing properties, but again, they were nothing close to IPA magnitude. The aromas were lacking to say the least. At first there is a bit of a random citrus smell that wafts by, followed by some sort of funk smell. Not quite to the point of skunky, but not appealing in the least. And then comes the stale buttered popcorn smell that is in no hurry to leave. Sounds...delightful right? I really was dreading the first taste.

Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as I was preparing for. Don't get all excited though. This isn't necessarily a good thing. It wasn't bad, because it wasn't there. Again, I had to do a double take because after taking a sip, as soon as you swallow it's gone. This is by far one of the fastest flavor trains I have ever encountered. I reigned in all of my focus, determined to find some sort of flavor to latch on to. The fact that the bottle even referred to dry hopping, I thought that there just had to be something...somewhere. Again, it was a faint citrus at best. My best way of describing it would be highly watered down orange juice. Some light grassy notes follow, and then the taste of butter. Yep. Butter. Luckily there is plenty of carbonation to clean everything up, and as I mentioned earlier, it goes above and beyond because you almost don't notice any taste at all.

Another saying I have heard is that old one about if something looks like a duck, and walks like a duck, and sounds like a duck, then it probably is a duck. Well what happens if a beer looks like a pilsner, smells like weak orange juice, and has the mouthfeel of seltzer water? You get a cluster...duck...of a beer, or in this case the Long Hammer IPA. The fact that it is an IPA that I couldn't even give a nod to as a weak pale ale mistake says a lot. I can't recommend it to anyone besides those in a ''it's this or corporate pisswater'' situation. However, I guess the people at Redhook will get at least 5 more shots at redemption due to the fact that I like to have a full 6 pack set of any empty for my homebrewing experiments. So good luck guys. I really hope things only go up from here.